Cliché
by Janus-Ekat writer
Summary: Same. Plot. Every. Time! This is just a collection of parody stories taking place in Gravity Falls. Sometimes in which I write about reading the same thing over and over again. Same. Plot. Every. Time. It's pretty much all parody and I respect you all if you like a plot enough to repeat it. I no own Gravity Falls.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning! Low-quality, writing and plot! Total parody! In which I kill cliché and everything it stands for… **

**December 4th 2013: Side note yes, the original got removed because apparently I can't have the word "killing" in the title. It also means I can't repost it until December 5th.**

**Other Side Note: NO, this has nothing to do with Clichéusername1234. The name was a random burst of sugar fueled inspiration. It's about me destroying cliché stories, which by now you should know I don't really like.**

* * *

Dipper and Mabel sat in the gift shop watching from a window as Stan tricked a few tourists outside with what he called "The-only-roc -in-the- world-that- looked-like a -rock rock." Whatever that was. Another girl walked in, and started to speak;

"Hey Dipper are you singl-"

"DIE DEMON! SCUM DIE!"

Another voice cuts in. Another girl who is way, way,way, prettier and cooler-looking screams. She formed a fake gun with her hands and pointed it at the first girl.

"Ummm, what are you doing? You know that's not a real gun right?"

"Of course it's real! But enough distractions! You were going to ask him if he was single!"

"What? No I wasn't!"

The twins watched in confusion at the exchange. The first girl turned back to Dipper.

"Don't mind her she's just crazy-"

Before disintegrating into a pile of ashes.

Stan stuck his head inside.

"Hey! No killing people in the gift shop! Take that outside!"

The twins looked back over at the girl who was still holding her fingers in a fake gun position. They looked back and forth at each other in an awkward silence. Dipper was the first to speak.

"What the heck, you can't just kill someone like that!" He yelled.

"Relax," The girl started, blowing on her fingers before pretending to put away the gun. "I'm from the internet, I can kill as many story OC's as I want."

"Wait, what?" Mabel asked.

"Never mind that. Anyways, I can't give you my real name so just call me Janus-Ekat Writer. I came here to-"

Suddenly, the door to the shack slammed open. Pacifica and Gideon jumped through the wreckage.

"Attention like Pines family. I've like totally joined forces with Lil' Gideon to extract out revenge on you guys!" Pacifica announced un-necessarily.

Mabel screamed and ducked behind the counter.

"Ummm, no you're not." Janus-Ekat Writer informed them nonchalantly .

Just then sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland jumped out of their hiding place behind the rock-that-looked-like-a-face-rock. Pacifica, who had anticipated this (Come on! They were hiding behind a rock people!) ran out of the new hole in the wall. Gideon on the other hand wasn't so lucky. Durland grabbed Gideon's wrists and replaced the tiny hand-cuffs.

"What?" Gideon asked. "How is this possible? We had the perfect plan! I typed it up on Microsoft Word and everythin'!"

"Thanks for the tip off random teenager who is in no way suspicious." Blubs added as he led Gideon out of the shack.

"Wait, what about Pacifica?"

"Naaa, she just wants attention. You'll be fine." Janus-Ekat Writer explained. "Now we just have to wait for-"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!"

Bill announced as he flashed into the now wrecked shop. Janus-Ekat Writer gave an annoyed sigh.

"No you're not." She insisted.

Bill's eye narrowed.

"You! You're the one who's always challenging my superiority! Prepare to-"

"_Oh look_. A Several' Times CD featuring guest rappers Bull Pit and other singers Rustin Heiber and Skily Virus! And oh, here's a CD player. I _wonder_ what the song sounds like?" She asked in a terrible fake questioning voice.

"Fine, I'll leave. For now. But know this-"

"Just get out!"

The twins looked at each other.

"What just happened?" Mabel asked.

Janus-Ekat Writer dusted off her shoulders before replying.

"I was killing cliché."


	2. Chapter 2

** Originally a story I put in "Paranioa" about the same thing over and over again. This is also just a small test on my 1st person skills seeing as I need to work on them. And yea, names are just totally random. Yes, part of the story is a homage to "Avatar the Last Airbender."**

**~~~~~~Line Break of total amazingness~~~~~~**

_**In the near future…**_

"Mom?" A small voice whispers.

Squinting in the dark, I look over at my daughter Pepper who is sifting through the rubble of a building.

"Yes dear?" I whisper back, warily standing guard incase someone finds us.

"What's this?" She asks lifting something from the shattered fragments of rocks, wiping off the dust.

I try to make out what she is holding but I can't see from where I stand, thanks to that stupid global warming finally taking it's toll on us, the nights are even darker than before. If that was even possible. I could barely remember what it was like before-

"So what is it?" Her voice cuts in.

It's still to risky for me to leave my spot, despite having a darker completion, I don't completely fade into the dark thanks to the stained yet, green shirt I'm wearing. Moving now could alert-

"Mom!" Her voice strains a little over a whisper in annoyance.

"Just bring it here." I reply hoarsely, the effects of dehydration kicking in on me, seeing as I gave what little water I had to my daughter.

She slowly and carefully caries over the object side-stepping loose wires, fragments of shattered glass and metal that form a fruit-salad mix of danger with a hint of lethal injury. Stupid food analogies. Hunger was getting to me also. Pepper was un-aware of it the "extra" food I had given her was my own. But I could tough it out. I'd been through worse, much worse.

She slowly hands me the object.

"Careful! I think it's delicate!" She warns me.

Once I'm able to see what it is I realize what it is.

"It's a computer. I used to have one when I was younger." I explain to her, fruitlessly (So hungry!) pressing the power button.

I smile as her lips form a small "O" of wonderment. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see something move. I disregard it as the winds blowing through the building. We probably can't stay here for very long, the foundations look ready to collapse. I snap my head back and watch in amazement as the screen gives a small flicker and turns on.

"Hey, that's a picture of Daddy!" She squeals pointing at the screen.

I look at the picture. Whoever had left the computer had it still on Rogers Yahoo. Pictures and articles of "current" events flashed by on the screen. There was an article about Rob Ford finally being denounced the mayor after 5 years of clinging onto the job. There was one about the USA becoming a neutral country. I looked back to where she was pointing.

There, I saw a familiar picture. The article underneath talked about the United Nations' newest and youngest member. The person in question looked back at me smiling as her hair blew in the wind outside of on of the headquarters in Czech Republic. I sadly traced the outline of my face with a trailing finger risking a glance at the man standing next to me his fingers intertwined with mine, black hair and brown eyes also shining with the joy of once being alive. _Once._

"Mom?" She questioned softly.

I snapped out of my trance.

"Hmm? Yes?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

I give her one of my rare smiles and nod. I sit down leaning against a wall and she crawls into my lap.

"Once there was a very ugly duckling-"

"No! I don't like that one!"

I roll my eyes and start another story.

"Once upon a time, there was a pair of siblings named Dipper and Mabel-"

"I've heard that one too!"

I restart again, knowing exactly which story she wants to hear.

"Fan Fiction. Deviant Art. Blogs. Facebook. There used to be originality in the old days, a time of peace when the Avatar kept balance between the Fan Fiction cliché, Deviant Art artists , Blogs, fan-girls, Facebook introverts. Allowing diversity and creativity to flow."

I pause as Pepper's breathing slows and she snuggles into my chest.

"But that all changed when the Cliché fan-girls attacked. People go so annoyed at reading the same thing over and over and over."

Pepper giggles at this part.

"The fandoms were swamped with carbon copies of the same thing. It was so annoying at Bill, who knows everything, couldn't take it anymore and crashed the internet sending the world into mass panic. The end."

I finish the last bit quickly, stifling a yawn. Just as I feel my eyes lazily shut, I realize something. I had said it myself, Bill had crashed the internet. The computer shouldn't have been working. And, there was no breeze today, we were in a basement.

"Surprise!" Bill announces as a ball of fire is sent my way. I push Pepper out of the way just in time for my body to be engulfed in searing blue flames that lick at my skin before everything turns a sickly shade of blue…

* * *

**I think I just killed off the main character… Yes I saved Pepper, I grew attached in the 5 minutes it took me to write this. Wait, I'm the main character… 0_o And I just killed myself… **

**Bill: Finally, she's dead! I was getting tired of her always questioning my all-knowing.**

**Me: *Pops back* Surprise I'm not dead! The power of internet has spared me! And I'll still be questioning your all-knowing.**

**Bill: I think I hate you.**

**Me: Who doesn't? Anyways, that's it for now. Hope this was more interesting than a rant!**

**Moral of the story: Look, if Bill ever wanted to destroy/take over the world he could just destroy the internet. People who can afford it would go into mass panic. Governments would freakout and loose control of things like communication and nuclear weapons. Raids and fires would engulf whole cities. **

**And then in exchange for something like being decalred supreme-over-lord-of-total-ninja-sweet-awsomeness-matresses-evil-dude he could turn the internet back on and then he would be in total control of- Wait, did I just come up with a fool-proof way for someone to take over the world? **

**Anyways, I'm pretty sure if he hasn't done that already, he has other plans in store...**

**Other Moral of Story: Cliché will cause world panic and someone destroying the internet. Or you know, she'll just write a story about what _should happen_ if we keep repeating stuff.**


	3. Chapter 3

**While not a parody about something that bothered me, it was needed to help (puts on dramatic voice) sort out my feelings. Actually, it was more like my opinions on the matter, but whatever. I have mixed feelings about the mailbox who as I've said numerous times before I don't trust. I've already explained why! Check out my latest chapter in "Paranoia" if in doubt. Yes, that was a little shameless advertizing... On with the story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls.**

* * *

"Let's see, what to do today..." He mused pulling out a list.

"Number one, find Waldo." He read. "Well, that's impossible, let's see what's next." The list continued on;

_Deal with Pines family. _"Number two, deal with the Pines family... When did I make this list?! I really need to list jobs I can actually do! Right now that is..."

_Finish the Gleeful issue. _"Seriously!?"

Get the mail. "Finally something I can do in this current state!"

Strangely enough, the only job left on the list was more of a joke. The only reason it was on the list was to make it feel like more jobs had been done when in reality little to no effort had been used. It was why jobs number 5 and 6 respectively were "float around" and "Exist. Sort of." No one sent him mail anymore, not for the past three or so decades actually.

The mailbox just floated around on it's own small patch of land in the dreamscape, flag always in the down or "no mail" position. Despite it being on of the only double sided communication with the world, (There were quite a few one-sided outposts.) he felt no sense of duty to watch over it. Hell, he didn't even feel anything these days. Just some stronger things like anger, and frustration. Not to mention that more blind pent-up side of uncontrollable insanity... But that wasn't important.

"Let's see what we have today," He said to himself, "oh look no mail! Surprise, surprise! Well I've done enough work for the next year or so, so I'll just-" But as he was about to finish, the box glowed and the red-tipped flag pushed up on it's own. Signalling that there was mail.

Giving a quick double-take at the box the cautiously, ("_Not that anything could hurt me."_ he thought to himself.) opened the latch and pulled out a simple folded square of paper.

_**'SUP DAWG?**_

It read.

"Great, now I actually have to do a job. Let's see who sent this." Pausing levitating for a second, (Hey, it _was_ a job after all.) he roved around the minds of a select few before realizing,

"Of course, the Pine Tree? Who else?"

Well, he _did_ list getting the mail as a job, so he _did _have to reply.

"I'm never making a to do list again."

"Let's see. Paper." A browning sheet of paper appeared

"Ink." A small bottle of blue ink followed, twisting the cap off itself.

"And a fountain pen." Which appeared before landing in the bottle of ink nib down.

"_Now I don't want to call him Pine Tree, that would give it all away and he'd run off-" _He mused, resuming hovering a few centimetres above the ground where the mailbox was secured.

Quickly scrawling down a message, (What was the time difference between human and demon time again?) and choosing to seal it with some random symbol, (Using a genuine seal could also give too much away.) he placed it in the box.

_**Hello Dipper and Soos.**_

"_Dude, what if this thing's all-knowing?!"_

"_We gotta test it!"_

Not 17 seconds later, there was a reply.

_**WHAT DID I SHAVE INTO MY HEAD THIS MORNING?**_

Great, they were testing out his all-knowing. Let's see, just shift few a pile of memories there tsk, tsk- so many secrets- sloppy organizing- here we are.

* * *

_Soos stood in front of a mirror._

"_Today is the day." He said to himself. "I'm going to shave a question mark into the back of my head!"_

_**Five painful minutes later.**_

"_Ow! Dude it hurts! So, many. Shaving Cuts! Hey, this doesn't look like a question mark! More like a baby duck holding a paddle ball..."_

* * *

Pulling out another sheet, he scrawled down quickly;

_**A baby duck holding a paddle ball.**_

"_Dude, it knew!"_

Soon enough, more letters had appeared

_**WHEN IS THE END OF THE WORLD?**_

"Let's humour them on that one."

Jotting down a random number (3012) he sent it.

_**WHO IS MY DREAM WOMAN?**_

"Hmmm. Continue keeping secrets as dark as that and you'll never find someone. But just for kicks..."

* * *

"_Umm, when is the exact time and date of my death?"_

"_Did aliens build the pyramids?!"_

"_Or. What is the meaning of life?!"_

"_What are marshmallows made of?!"_

"_Who wrote journal number three?!"_

"_Who wrote the journal! Who wrote the journal!"_

"_We're finally going to get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!"_

"_Nifty! A mailbox! I've been wanting to mail mom this video of me sticking a hundred gummy worms up my nose!"_

"_No! Wait!"_

"_Dude!"_

"_Slam!"_

* * *

Interesting, they didn't send a letter this time. There was an un-marked video tape in it's place. _"Well there's no harm in seeing what's recorded on it."_

"Ahhhh! My eyes! I mean eye!"

Apparently there _was _harm in watching an un-marked videos.

"That's it! I'm tired of this!" He screamed, fists glowing with blue fire. Sending on last letter;

_**Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me, you fools are unworthy of my great knowledge, the era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.**_

Snapping his fingers the poor mailbox tore apart into fractions until it was only visible in fragments on an atomic scale. And just to male sure the other end got the message.

"_Well, uh. That concludes Dipper's guide to the unexplained, where we learned; when dealing with the unknown do not mail videos of you sticking gummy worms up your nose!"_

" _There's more where that came from! Into my nose! Into my nose!"_

"_Show over! Show over!"_

"That is the last time I will ever do anything. Ever."

* * *

**Moral of story:** If you're going to make a to do list, leave out getting the mail!


End file.
